THE GIFTS

The idea of writing a wedding list stuffed with items they crave can send some brides and grooms into an orgy of grasping bad taste. It's important to emphasise that you want people's presence rather than their presents.

However, "asking for what you want has become more acceptable," says Jo Ryde, gift list manager at John Lewis. "It's better for the guests because they are reassured that what they select is exactly what the bride and groom are after."

But remember: it's not your right to receive exactly what you want. Debrett's advises that it's OK for guests to boycott wedding lists, especially wedding "funds", as long as they make their gifts imaginative should they go off-list.

When putting together your list, include options for all price ranges. A 99p spoon may be all some guests can afford. Alternatively, groups of friends or family can club together to splash out on something more expensive. Make sure your partner is involved - you're not writing a letter to Santa, after all. Go for a mix of traditional and modern gifts, too: iPods and plasma televisions are popular with grooms, but your great-aunt might prefer to give you a tablecloth rather than a bit of technologically brilliant kit.

If you put vouchers on your wedding list, make sure you add a note telling your guests what you intend to buy. It's only polite. Consider some charity items as well. Traditionalists may balk at the idea of buying a goat for an underprivileged family in the developing world, but it's good to give something back in the midst of all this receiving.

It's becoming more acceptable to ask for money towards your honeymoon, but be aware that some guests may find it tacky. The new online trend of vouchers for honeymoon cocktails, flight upgrades or safari trips is beyond naff.

After the wedding, try not to swap items. According to Jo Ryde, it's very bad form to trade in one vase for another, especially if you don't tell the person who gave it to you.

Finally, and most importantly, say thank you. Online wedding lists will email you detailing who bought what, so that you can tailor your thank-you letters accordingly.

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